I think the concept of bottling up your feelings is a common experience. I know that I’ve become an expert in bottling my own emotions. They get lodged away in the back of my ribcage before I can even name them, let alone feel or process them in a healthy manner. Things started to change when I reached a breaking point, one night late in my kitchen. From then on, many of those bottles were broken and shattered. Now when I do feel strong emotions, I am overwhelmed in uncomfortable disgust. I wanted to embody these grotesque mental states within the contents of these bottles and through imagery of my installation. Due to the heavy nature of this piece, I had to find a balance that didn’t take too much of a toll on my mind and heart.

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I began this process with a painting, however, my idea grew in both size and medium to a point that could no longer be contained by canvas. Thus, it became a 3D installation. Materials of interest include: cat claws, baby teeth, animal bones, dead bugs, fungus, human hair, etc. The antique display exemplifies how my work is not just depicting isolated events, rather, it illustrates a lived-in mess of feelings and thoughts.

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I often think and work in metaphors. I wrote a poem based on my work and have used it as inspiration. This poem came into existence through the process of making this piece. For a while, it became my reference point - it was born from me, from my trauma, and when I hit roadblocks in the process of making this work of art, I was able to return to this poem as a reference to my emotional core.

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I eventually found pleasure in the dark themes of my work. The macabre fantasy of the installation embodies an energy that is unsettling and curious. It really feels like this work has been made for and by me. The dominant emotions are upsetting, uncomfortable, and anxiety inducing. Allowing myself to accept that I am struggling has been a big step in my journey.

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I hope the viewer can feel transported elsewhere - a place with secrets resting within broken cabinets beckoning to be seen. This place has been part of a slow decay of a dying system that has sewn itself into my veins. This is not the recovering, or the surgery, nor the treatment; it is the diagnosis - the horrid shock of finding a rot embedded into your soul, the frantic desperation to get it out. This installation tells a story, and I hope those who linger in the space are able to find its secrets, to snap its brittle osteo, to sever its atrophied sinew; to find what has been hidden.